Yah, we knew ....

When is it that my heart won't leap into my throat that after I tell someone that my boys have autism and they respond with "Yah, we knew ....".

Do they actually feel that they are being supportive? 

Here's the brief chain of events:

Boys weren't talking.  Waiting 14 months for speech therapy.  Got 1.5 hours every 3 weeks.  She chose to see the boys together.  It was chaos.  Nothing was achieved.  Near the end of our block of 7 visits, she says, "I want you to meet a very loving mother whose son has autism".   I didn't see that coming.  The "A" word was never mentioned.  Perhaps I was naive.  Didn't know that you didn't need what I thought were obvious signs so qualify for the diagnosis.  They laugh, tease, play, didn't compulsive do ANYTHING ... but that's not enuf.  Her next visit I have Randy there.  We ask, "what exactly are they doing that you think they have autism?".  She backs down, "I didn't say they have autism. I'm not qualified to diagnose autism. Bla, Bla bla."  Perhaps if she would have explained what she saw.  At the same time we had 'family' telling me, "Maybe if you just taught them", "I saw another Mom with twins and she was very firm with them so if she can do it, so can you!".  These are the ones who are now saying that they knew.  Thanks.  Others said, "Their babbling will turn into words and you won't be able to get them to shut up."  or "My kids did that and just grew out of it".  The speech therapist told me:  Two year olds don't have temper tantrums, two year olds aren't picky eaters.  Two year olds aren't stubborn.

... and yet they have autism.  And every time someone says, "yah, we knew .... " I feel like I got punched in the gut ... all over again.

H